Relationship Clutter


Hi everyone, I hope you are all going well. It is finally starting to cool down here and Easter is nearly here. Who is looking forward to a few days off? I am looking forward to having a break and catching up on a few things I need to do at home and relaxing with some friends and family. Today I am going to talk about relationships and how they can affect us.

We have all felt the affects of how other people treat us and have an impact on our lives. This can be from our parents, siblings, romantic partner, friends, business partners, bosses and other people we work with. It can also be the affect we have on others.

An environment can play a big part on how people are feeling which then will impact on others. I remember when I was growing up, my foster parents were going through a separation and divorce. Prior to the separation there was arguments, lots of tension and stress. It had a huge impact on my stepsister and I. Not only whilst it was happening but for many years later. When I see other couples going through divorce, I really feel the whole family's pain, as I know personally how it can affect everyone. I admire couples that can keep it amicable so the impact on the family unit is disrupted as little as possible. I certainly know that this is not always easy or possible.

So how does people’s energy affect us and what can we do about it? Over the years I have learnt that some people are not meant to be in your life forever. This has at times been a very tough lesson and making the decision to walk away has not always been easy. I am talking about personal experience here. As our life goes on we all change with personal growth. This can be through life experiences that affect us, whether it is positive or negative. It can be changes through personal development from study or courses we do. Last but not least the impact of people we have in our life.

From an early age we are influenced by our parents, siblings, teachers, sporting coaches etcetera. We have beliefs growing up from what we have been taught. We may have been raised under a particular religion and have even impacted by our parents' political view. For me, religion was very diverse. I was raised Church of England, went to a Catholic school, where I remember spending a lot of time in church at school and my foster dad was Jewish. I just went with the flow LOL. Later on in my late twenties, I contacted my biological family and found out my maternal grandfather was Jehovah's Witness and my mother and her siblings are all born-again Christians. I have many friends with different religious beliefs and backgrounds. These had an impact on me, and I have my own beliefs and respect everyone for what their belief and faith is that they want to follow. As long as it doesn't do harm to another person and everyone is treated with kindness then it is okay. As far as politics went that is a whole other story. I did learn however, to never get into an argument about religion or politics and there I rest my case LOL.

You may have been influenced even by the way your parents did things or products they used.

Even the way you cook or make something. Lets say you buy a particular butter brand. Your new partner asks you why that brand, why cant we get the one on special? You say no, it has to be that one. Why? Because that’s the brand you always use. Things can also relate to memories. You remember something that is or was your mum and dad's favourite, like let's say Roses chocolate. And it was always in the tin. So every time they come out in a tin, you buy them as they usually always are in a box these days except special occasions like Christmas, Easter or Valentine’s Day. The thing is, the people and the memories we have of them whether they are still alive or deceased have an impact on us. They can be positive or negative.

I have seen many people stay in relationships that are simply not healthy for them. We are helpless, as we cannot help them. It is up to that person to realise that this is not good for them and walk away. I know; I have been there in a toxic relationship. Had my friends said anything to me at the time, I probably wouldn't have listened anyway. I remember when I finally realised it was not good for me and walked away, it was still a hard thing to do. A lot of people stay in relationships because they are fearful of being on their own. They are frightened they will never meet anyone else. The thing is, when you are in a relationship that is not right, you are using all your energy trying to make it right and it is draining. You are simply miserable and making the other person miserable. This impacts on each of you, your children if you have any, your family and friends. It will impact on your work and your general well being. If you are trying and exhausted all avenues such as counselling and it is still not working, think about what you need to do and what the next step is.

I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends. I value and love my friends. More so due to growing up in foster care and not really having that stable family unit. Though there have been a few over the years where I have had to walk away. It has been hard, as you try so hard but like any relationship, it is a two-way street. When someone can't be bothered returning your call or even a text message to say "hey I got your message, just really busy and we will catch up soon for a chat or coffee" and it happens repeatedly and makes you feel unworthy, then you need to consider if it is worth it. I know we all go through hard times but it doesn't mean you ignore someone and not make the effort. If you are going through a rough time and don't want to talk about it, just send a message saying you are okay but not up for socialising at the moment. To ignore someone and not respond at all for months on end is not okay no matter what you are going through.

Relationships at work can be challenging. You could have groups of people who are in the 'in' crowd. You may be going through a tough time at work and people who you thought were your friends are suddenly nowhere to be seen as they don't want to show support to you in front of others, as they will be worrying about what other people will think of them. But for friends like this to not send a text or call to make sure you are okay outside of work are not true friends. I always say, you know who your true friends are when your life falls apart and you see who is there to catch you.

If people are having a negative impact on you, spend less time with them. Surround yourself with people who empower you and want only the best for you. The ones that will raise you up and carry you when you cannot walk on your own. To have a true loving relationship whether it is with your family, partner or friends, you need to do your bit too. Are you supporting them as you want to be supported? Remember it works both ways. Nourish your relationships. Keep in touch even if it is a quick text message checking on someone. We all have busy lives but our relationships are our support network.

I hope this has helped. Have an amazing week. Travel safe and enjoy your Easter break. I would love it as always if you could please share my blog, Facebook and website with your family and friends.

Love & Blessings

Heids xoxo

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